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It gets WORSE!


Don't ask me why, but I actually went back to the AKC site to check out some other breeds. Boy o boy, I wish I hadn't (is there some sort of sado-maso pattern emerging here? If so, drop me a line on my "private" e-mail account to discuss the various..uh...options....)

Anyway, as usual, I digress. To the rant at hand:

It looks like the German Wirehaired Pointer "history" posted to the AKC site is not the only one that reads like it was written by a thousand monkeys hammering away at a thousand typewritters. It turns out that a lot of them are the stuff of English and History teacher nightmares. Here are just a few examples....

The Portuguese Pointer: Initially the dog was bred in the royal kennels and but later became a very popular hunting dog for the lower classes of society.
"And but later", is that from Shakespeare?

The GSP: The German Shorthaired Pointer combined in field-dog requirements those qualities which have long popularized the various breeds of hunting dogs.
"...combined in field-dog requirements those qualities..". Yup, there you have it folks. Proof that our educations system is juuuuust fine.

The Brittany: The Brittany was named for the French province in which it originated as early as AD 150.
While the statement seems to be grammatically fine, it is, and please excuse my Fran├žais, pure and utter BULLSHIT!! I mean c'mon! 150 AD? Why not just go for the gold and say 150 BC? Throw in an reference or two to woolly mammoths and Jurassic freakin park while you're at it.

The Spinone: The Spinone Italiano, or Italian Pointer, is Italy's all-purpose hunting dog. It is also sometimes referred to as a Griffon, since that name formerly designated the hunting dogs of all Continental Europe.
This just in from the AKC: all hunting dogs from Continental Europe used to be called Griffons. Stay tuned for further fantasies and made-up ball-wash.

The Griffon: The origin of the Wirehaired Pointing Griffon came about shortly after Mendel published his experiments on genetic heredity, which inspired many Europeans to try their skills at breeding
Wow. Just freaking WOW. This is the FIRST sentence in the Griffon history and it is sooo out of the ballpark that I am sure Eddy Korthals is spinning in his grave just thinking about how wrong it is.

The Bracco Italiano: This dog of ancient Italian origin used for bird hunting has modeled itself and developed over the ages; from the hunting of yesteryear by means of nets, he has adapted himself to the present hunting and shooting. Frescoes from the 14th century are proof of the indisputable timelessness of the Italian pointer over the centuries, whether either regarding his morphology or his aptitudes at hunting as a pointer.
"whether either regarding"...yup, that there is real good English talking right there.

The Weimaraner: Throughout its early career, the distinctively gray Weim was propogated by nobles in the court of Weimar who sought to meld into one breed all the qualities they had found worthwhile in their forays against the then abundant game of Germany.
Is it just me or does this sound like something written by 15 year old girl desperately trying to sound deep and brooding?

WHO WRITES THIS SHITE? Please, for the love of all that is English and pure, make it go away!!!!

(insert emoticon symbol for curled up in the fetal position, rocking back and forth, eyes ablaze...) Shocked Shocked

10 comments:

  1. LOL, Craig!

    Thanks for a good laugh. It appears that someone had fun while making the history of European hunting breeds a little more colorful or maybe someone just read too much of the chronicles of Narnia?
    Take care,
    Emma ...sorry for the English...not native you know ;)

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  2. Craig, I strongly recommend that you STAY AWAY from the AKC site if you wish to learn something about dogs.

    MS @ Living with Bird Dogs

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  3. Sage advice Mike. Very sage indeed.

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  4. Craig:

    Damn! Mike got there first. Anyways, any news on your book? That will be something to look forward to.

    I would say that I've just started to see folks using Portuguese Pointers up here in the northeast and but later just a single Braque Italiano.

    best for 2009
    Andrew

    PS: thanks for not quoting anything about the vizlsa

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  5. The book is coming along slowly but...painfully!

    Actually I have made good progress in the last few weeks. And speaking of Vizslas, the V chapter is almost done. I just need some input from North American Vizsla owners...nudge nudge wink wink...

    Drop me a line at craig.koshyk@gmail.com I have some questions for ya!

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  6. I own a breed that is well-served by a member-owned nonprofit club registry.

    Also in play are three for-profit registries, none currently run by people who know or own the breed, and each of which promulgates a "standard" they have written all by their lil' ol' selves.

    My favorite? The United Kennel "Club" (sic) begins its breed standard with the phrase "According to legend ..."

    Yup. Our British-and-god-knows-where derived, American-developed farm dogs are ROMAN. Who knew?

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  7. Laughing to hard to think of anything to say.

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  8. I'm coming to this post very late, but enjoying it.

    I'm an AKC show breeder of small herders (Cardigan Welsh Corgis), so I don't have any vested interest in the Sporting breeds, but I can tell you that we (the community of good show breeders) ALL know that the origin stories of the breeds are total bunk. I don't know a serious breeder of any breed that doesn't think that the whole thing is roughly the equivalent of "Long, long ago, in a galaxy far, far away..."

    My particular favorite is that at least ten breeds say that dogs of their type are pictured in Egyptian art, but they all show the same pictures of the same dog. That poor Bowser who died ten thousand years ago has been claimed to be everything from a bloodhound to a Pointer to a Basenji to a Mastiff!

    I have no idea where the origin stories came from (nobody in my club has fessed up, that's for sure) but we all pass around the DNA studies and we know that with a few notable exceptions all the breeds are recent European creations, though some are based on some very old stuff.

    What I think is probably more accurate is that the landraces are pretty old and pretty consistent. The use of short-legged herders (which eventually, when stud books began to be closed, became Cardigan, Pembroke, Vallhund) is very, very old; we know this because they were largely abandoned when the little household herds that needed to be moved over an acre or so became large commercialized herds that needed to be moved over large areas. So the long-legged herders were favored and the modern Border-type dogs began to emerge. The short-legged herders stayed in little pockets in some areas of Wales and Sweden, but when the breed-craze emerged in the mid 19th century to early 20th century (when it was very fashionable to find a rare dog, name it something, and develop/continue it as a breed) there were very few of them to gather up and name and develop.

    So I apologize, on behalf of every show breeder with an IQ over 80, for the origin stories. I wish someone would throw them all out and update them, but perhaps the reason they don't is because then they'd all be the same... "The Frankenweiler is a European creation from the late 19th century" "The Pocket Grasshund is a European creation from the late 19th century" and on and on it goes :).

    Thanks again for a fun post.

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  9. too funny...I don't usually laugh this hard this early in the morning. Dang!!!

    If you haven't yet, get a hold of Blake Kukar re: Vizslas...he's your man!!! Also, if I could remember the names, there were some very excellent Vizslas in western Canada years ago when I was involved with NSTRA. There were some kick-ass dogs.

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